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It’s here again. The anniversary of the worst day of our lives. The day we dread all year. Because of the power it still holds over us. Because of the panic and sadness and awful feeling of helplessness that floods back. The day we lost you, darling Hannah Felicity. Three years ago today.

You are in my heart every single day. On my mind. Shaping everything I do and say and feel. You guide me, remind me, center me. I see you in the small beauties of nature. In soft light, rainbows, sweet flowers, tiny seashells. I feel you watching over your sisters, who will someday know. Not yet, but soon.

Today is a dark day. But a day that needs to be recognized, as difficult as it always is. We will put our heads down and hold each other tight.

I will never stop missing you, baby girl, and I will always be grateful that I am your mommy.

This girl. We are all getting caught up in the flurry of our new weekday schedule. Eloise loves school so far, and is happily settling in. (PHEW!) While big sis is doing her thing every day, Mae and I have unprecedented one-on-one time. And it’s great. I have forgotten how sweet this toddler age is. Always learning and moving and changing. Coming into her own. Mae is a constant (sometimes literal!), reminder to stop and smell the roses. To take a deep breath and appreciate the good things that happen every day, instead of (in my case, instinctively) getting overwhelmed by the negative. Love you so much, my sweet girl! I’m excited for our adventures together.