Turmoil. That’s really the only word to describe my mental state most days. The road to happiness and healthiness is proving to be bumpy, twisty, erratic and arduous. But lately, through the strange mesh of tolerable and unbearable, we’ve seen a glimmer. It’s teeny-tiny. But it’s there. Hope.
In the spirit of fostering that glimmer, clutching it with both hands and not letting it get swallowed up by an abundance of melancholy and fear, I’m resolving to focus on the good moments that happen every week.
Exactly 4 years ago, Mike and I were apparently going through a rough time. I say “apparently” because, apparently, I have a selective memory and didn’t remember the beginning of 2011 as being all that bad. Compared to what we went through last year, it really wasn’t. But that’s the problem with hindsight. To be fair, at the time, it was a life crisis for us. Lots and lots of change…some really good, some seriously bad, most substantial…all at once. It was then that I started the Gold Star posts in an attempt to focus on the positive in my life in a time when those moments were definitely overshadowed by the negative. The name was an homage to my Dad. When he was a young boy in school, the nuns would give gold stars for accomplishments and black dots for misdemeanors.
In true Soares family tradition, black dots usually abound. But the hope is that by dedicating a small portion of each week to focusing on the gold stars, the black dots won’t seem as overwhelming. It worked once…so here it goes again.
*Eloise, for the following comment: “I love strawberries. Daddy loves grapes. And Mommy loves pizza!” What can I say, she knows me well.
*The Newsroom. Brilliant. Brilliant. Wonderful. Brilliant. Just discovered the series and Mike and I are hooked. Only half way through season one and pissed it only went three seasons. Best thing on TV since The West Wing.
*The power of a good haircut.
*Creative juices. They are flowing. My hair isn’t the only thing getting a make-over. Stay tuned.
*Catching a song on the radio that perfectly sums up your emotions:
And Mommy loves pizza! Seriously, she is the most adorable child ever. We miss you guys, but we really miss Ellie!
Keep the gold stars coming. I love the idea. I can’t wait to read more.
Love you Hun!
I totally get that, Meg! Eloise is the most loveable member of our family, by far. She misses you and Casey and our brunch dates at Fork, too. Thanks for the support, friend!